(Please hand to the Fat Bastard in a Red Suit… )
Dear Santa
This year I’ve been good…. I think. Well maybe marginally. I mean there was the time, I did skin the cat but I promised not to do that again. I also promise not to experiment on goldfish humping carpets anymore. But you gotta admit for those first 30 seconds Nemo was quite talented! He'll be missed.
Oh and well actually there was the time I broke into my neighbors house but only because he asked me to because you see...he was locked out. I swear! And while breaking into houses is not something I'd choose to make a career out of.. you have to admit all those times I cut school and broke in at home through the bathroom window, came in quite handy. So you see I was really just helping him out. I should get a badge or something… work on it. I appreciate chya.
And yes... yes... let us not forget the time that that I did eat most of the Halloween candy that wasn’t mine, but it was only the chocolate ones. And only because it would have gone to waste and it was a hot October … and it would’ve melted, honest. Try going through chocolate withdrawals when pmsing... just ask Ms. Claus... oh wait she's an old hag. I mean... I love her she's a really nice lady with a a big tokus..
I think that about sums it up. So please if you would be so kind I could really use the following… (See page attached!) Thanks… and P.S. I promise not to spike your egg nog and make you those special cookies again this year. Although c’mon a gacked out drunk Santa is pretty f…. umm I mean pretty darn funny,
:Love, Me… (arie)
XOXO
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